Talk:Miles Dempsey/GA1
GA Review[edit]
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Reviewer: Djmaschek (talk · contribs) 21:40, 17 September 2021 (UTC)
Review 1[edit]
Please fix or argue your case to not fix. There will be more to come. Djmaschek (talk) 00:05, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
- Introduction:
- Paragraph 2: "awarded Military Cross" > "awarded the Military Cross".
- Paragraph 2: "Iran during the Russian Civil War, and in India" > "in Iran during the Russian Civil War, and in India".
- Between the wars:
- Paragraph 1: "where formed part" > "where it formed part".
- Paragraph 1: "but in 1922 returned" > "but in 1922 he returned".
- Paragraph 2: "Dempsey remained in this post..." > This sentence is very long and awkward to read. Can it be written as 2 sentences?
- Paragraph 6: "The brigade, commanded by..." > This sentence is very long and awkward to read. Can it be written as 2 sentences, perhaps with the second sentence starting with "after handing over again"?
- Paragraph 6: Is GSO2 defined somewhere? I don't see it.
Review 2[edit]
Here's more. Djmaschek (talk) 01:45, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
- Belgium and France:
- Sicily and Italy:
- North Western Europe:
- Paragraph 2: "which we called his 'whizzer' " ("we" makes it seem like this is from a quote, but there are no quote marks)
- Paragraph 2: "it was it still a field" > "it was still a field" (extra word)
- Paragraph 3: Maurice Chilton (this is the second link)
- Paragraph 3: "He later became Deputy Adjutant General at 21st Army Group HQ, and was replaced by ... Pyman" (who is he? replaced as what?) Suggest: "Chilton later became Deputy Adjutant General at 21st Army Group HQ, and was replaced as chief of staff by ... Pyman".
- Paragraph 4: "assisted heavy bombers" > "assisted by heavy bombers".
- Paragraph 5: This might mention that Erskine was also dismissed. (I have the D'Este book.)
- Far East"
- Post-war career:
- Reputation:
- Overall:
All points addressed. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
GA Notice[edit]
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Hello, I just wanted to introduce myself and let you know I am glad to be reviewing the article Miles Dempsey in which you've been a major contributor, and has been nominated for GA-status according to the criteria. This process may take up to 7 days. Feel free to contact me with any questions or comments you might have during this period. Djmaschek (talk) 21:40, 17 September 2021 (UTC) |
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