Wikipedia:Peer review/30 Rock/archive1

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30 Rock[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I plan on submitting it for GA sometime soon and maybe FA after that. Could I please have a review which is as detailed a possible? Please could the reviewer tell me if anything needs adding (or removing from) to the article and if the structure is correct. I'm sure there's some grammar/spelling mistakes.

Thanks, Jamie jca (talk) 01:11, 4 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comment - here's a quick note; have one or at most two photos establishing the cast, not three, it is better that way so it complies with fair use. Judgesurreal777 (talk) 16:31, 4 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: I will review this soon. Given the backlog at WP:GAN you can probably submit it now and fix any issues raised here before it will be reviewed there. Ruhrfisch ><>°° 21:37, 7 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I think there's alot of mistakes, not quite GA yet. Thanks.-- Jamie jca (talk) 22:17, 7 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Agree there is room for improvement, here are some suggestions to start:

  • There are a fair number of GA and FA articles on TV shows - find some to use as models for this.
  • The lead does a fairly good job of summarizing the article. The cast paragraph needs the most work and there are issues of weight / balance.
    • I would make more mention of Alec Baldwin and Tracey Morgan in the lead - the big three cast members are Fey and these two. Perhaps also mention Jane K.
    • To date, one full season has aired and a second season, which premiered on October 4, 2007,[4] is mid-way through its broadcasting season. "To date" gets out of date very quickly - use "As of April 2008" or something similar
    • This sentence is awkward The show also has a large amount of recurring and secondary characters who have smaller roles to play in the series than the cast members who receive star billing. I would use number instead of amount, and saying they are secondary characters makes the last half unnecessary.
    • Is the incidental music composer really important enough to be in the lead? See WP:WEIGHT
  • In the sentence NBC Entertainment president Kevin Reilly felt, in the words of Time, that "Fey was using... you already cite Time as the source in the footnote, so you do not need it again here
  • Say Fey was head writer and a performer on SNL in the first sentence of Conception. Then you can rework the sentence it is now in and the one after to something like In May 2003, Fey signed a deal with NBC to remain in her SNL head writer position till at least the 2004-2005 television season, and to develop a primetime project to be produced by Broadway Video and NBC Universal.[14]
  • Unclear what is meant here unless you've seen the show: ...about the head writer of a variety show who has to manage her relationships with the show's volatile star and executive producer" as opposed to both the stars and the vice president of development of a variety series.[15] - make it clearer that the show became about her relation with both stars and the VP. See WP:PCR - provide context to the reader
  • Episode format is mostly unreferenced, and has no mention of the actors or writers in the show.
  • Be consistent on introducing characters give role within the show, character name, and actor. This is done for Liz Lemon, but the actor who plays Pete is not mentioned, and for Jack Donaghy there is no clue who he is (Liz's boss) or who plays him (Alec Baldwin). Make sure to write about the show's plot and characters from an out of universe perspective - see WP:IN-U
  • Cast and charaters section is a mess - almost totally unreferenced, full of quotes that are not cited, and a lot of it seems to either be original research or copy vio, or at the very least not encylopedic in tone. For example: TGS's producer, Pete Hornberger (Scott Adsit) is a friendly-but-not-too-friendly, married-but-not-blind, middle-aged-but-not-at-all-old man, he is viewed as the most "normal" and "sane" character in the series. He is a character who, alongside Liz, has to help deal with problems caused by various characters. It is also too repetitive - Grizz and DotComm are discussed twice (combine into one mention).

Hope this helps, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 04:36, 8 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

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